Hold On
Ministerial Meandering
Hold on
Holding on to something precious is a feeling that makes me warm, although the other day it produced more a feeling of desperation.
I told you about getting into the passenger side of my car and wondering who had moved the steering wheel - and this was akin to it. I had just left the gym and walked to the car park to find my car. Spotting it, I walked up to it and pressed my key fob to unlock it. I heard the car alarm cancel and pulled at the handle. No joy. I pulled it again without success, and then thought that perhaps the car alarm had sounded a little distant. My car was two spaces further away, and I was trying unsuccessfully to steal someone else’s car.
Holding on to my sanity at that point was indeed a measure of desperation. I was, once again, glad that there was no-one else in the car park - especially the owner of the car I was attempting to get into.
In AA we have to learn not to hold on to our sobriety by jealously guarding it, but by giving it away - sharing it - especially with newcomers, so that they know it isn’t a fluke.
The same is true of love. You cannot hold love like a trophy or diamond necklace. There is a song written by Irving Berlin in 1937, that has been recorded by all the old crooners - Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Rosemary Clooney, Doris Day, Bette Midler, Rod Stewart, Dinah Washington, Billy Holiday - are just some of them; it is called ‘I’ve got my love to keep me warm.’
I’m not sure that quite works for me, because love is not an object - it’s a verb, which requires action. In order for the love that you experience and enjoy to stay vibrant, you have to give it away - at least as much.
It’s no-good me saying that Gracie (my dog) loves me if I don’t show her any love. Besides, if I don’t show her any love, it won’t be long before she ceases to care for me - although, having said that, dogs are so much more faithful than humans - so she probably would continue to love me.
Perhaps one of my favourite ‘hold on’s’, would be from Kipling’s poem, ‘If’, which has the couplets;
‘If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them, “Hold on!”’
I don’t think that needs any further explanation; I have experienced that sort of determination in the Navy and Marines. I guess some would call it ‘grit’.
We could and should use such an image of our faith; to try - to the best of our ability - to turn faith into conviction. And live by it. That would also be ‘grit’.
There are things, too, that are not healthy to hold on to; bitterness, resentment, hatred, jealousy, envy; all these are barbed, and are difficult not to hold on to, though we must make every effort to rid ourselves of them. They snag on our souls like burrs on wool, and removing them makes us feel as though we would ruin the garment. But such parasites will suck the marrow of the soul, if retained. How often have we read in books that some person was ‘nurturing his hatred, and it kept him warm.’ It conjures up the picture of a hunched figure in vulturine pose, mantling over the object of its desire, lest it escape. To me, this could be a description of Scrooge, pouring avariciously over the object of his greed - money. Not until he can let go of his greed is he able to stand erect - freed from what would bind him forever, crouched and confined with his toxic love.
Such explorations show us that the hand of the soul has both flexors and extensors; - it can both grip and release. Our work is to find out when each action is necessary - and then do it. No-one said it would be easy.
Philip+